French Onion Soup

Are you chilly? It is winter, after all, and that makes it soup season. Let's get cozy.

First, slice 5 pounds of onions. Thin, but not too thin; you're going to cook them for quite some time. Your eyes may water.

Put half a stick of butter in a big, heavy pot. Turn on the flame, low. Stir every few minutes for two hours. After ninety minutes your onions will be sitting in a pool of oniony liquid and it will seem like they will never ever be done. Keep going! After two and a half hours your onions should be melty and dark golden brown, but if they're not, keep cooking.

Sprinkle the melty onions with a tablespoon or two of flour and stir it in. Add a cup of wine and simmer till it's all gone.

Add a cup or two of water and six cups of stock - chicken, beef, veal, duck, whatever you have. Homemade is great if you have it. If it's from a box, just make sure it's not crazy salty. Simmer the whole mess for another hour until it's silky and smooth.

Now the fun part: add a little blorp of dijon mustard, a splash of Worcestershire sauce and a bigger splash of soy sauce. Grind in a lot of black pepper. Taste your soup and put it in a bowl. Slice some bread and toast it up. Put it on top of your soup and cover it in a pile of sweet, nutty cheese, then stick the whole mess in the oven until the cheese is melted and bubbling brown. Dig in.